Had I known this was our last day together like this, I would have rubbed that belly about a thousand more times. I would have captured those baby kicks onto my iPhone, even if it had taken hours to get it just right. I would have played you those lullabies and sang along.

Had I known, I would have glammed up in my favorite dress, dragged your daddy off the couch on his much-needed weekend, ignored the complaints from the minions and captured this belly in all its glory on my favorite golden hill at sunset. I would have worried less about inconveniencing others and focused for a moment on what I wanted.

But I didn’t know. How could I have known?

And now I have to live with the fact that my only maternity photos exist on my iPhone. That two pregnancies came and went without a video of the belly kicks.

That I may never experience a “normal” labor.

And while I’m grateful for the extra six weeks we spent snuggling together and more than blessed that you miraculously arrived healthy and thriving…a part of me will always mourn those last weeks of pregnancy that I didn’t get to experience.

But know that I wouldn’t trade you here in my arms for any of it.