Sometimes I forget that adoption isn’t a normal conversation. I have spent years intentionally surrounding myself with and investing relationally with adoptive families for the benefit of my daughter, as well as our entire family. It’s comforting to talk to other parents whose children come from hard places and I know how much it means to my daughter to see other families that look like ours.

Sometimes I forget that our family looks different from most. I’ll catch some stares and wonder if I have food in my teeth. And then someone will ask if she’s my daughter and I’ll cock my head to the side wondering what they mean until I remember – oh yeah!

I’m more than aware that my daughter and I look different – a fact we celebrate in this home! Its one of the many reasons why I dislike the term “color blind”. We see our color differences and we recognize the beauty in each of them.

I understand the concept behind the popular “color blind” attitude. Love knows no color…there is truth to that. But with skin colors so obviously different, why would we want to pretend we don’t see it? What does that tell our children? Does that just reinforce society’s negative message that white skin is ideal or most beautiful?

While you may think that’s a far-reaching comment, I urge you to spend an evening watching tv through the lens of my daughter. From most of the popular tv shows to the commercials that air, she is flooded with images of fair-skinned girls playing lead roles. When there is a darling little black girl, she is often the supporting role.

When you walk through the library or a bookstore, how many black girls and boys do you see on the covers of those books? And do you have any idea how hard it is to find a children’s Bible that isn’t completely white-washed?

These are things that never crossed my mind until my daughter joined our family. And while I’m aware of the progress that has been made in these areas (well hello there, Barbie Fashionistas dolls! We see you and we love you!), there is still a long way to go before our black sons and daughters feel properly represented in the media.

I hope by pointing out these things that it will help you gain a better understanding of why being “color blind” (or claiming to be) is hurtful to our children. My daughter wants to be recognized for being beautiful just the way she is, not because we don’t see her color (which is ridiculous). Instead, let’s teach our children to celebrate the beautiful array of skin colors that make us so unique! What a boring world it would be if we were truly color blind.

When I was pregnant, we would take bets on our little tiebreaker baby. Were we going to have more boys or girls in our family? Black or blonde hair? Blue or brown eyes? (For the record, that little boy broke the mold with brown hair and hazel eyes…just to make sure he would stand out in our crazy little family!)

“BUT!” Our little Cocoa exclaimed, “I’ll still be the only chocolate one!” A fact she was both proud and excited about.

That’s right, princess. Because you are special. May you always remember that.